Trump Found Guilty: The Fart Heard ‘Round the World

Trump Found Guilty: The Fart Heard ‘Round the World

Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Donald Trump, the man who could never quite keep his mouth shut or his business records straight, has been found guilty on all 34 counts of falsifying business records in the first degree. Yes, folks, the presumptive GOP nominee and former “Commander in Cheese” is now officially a criminal.

Trump’s conviction marks a historic first—he’s the only former U.S. president to be criminally convicted at trial. Talk about a legacy! Move over, Nixon; you were just the appetizer. Trump’s the main course of corruption with a side of fraud.

Let’s not get too carried away, though. Sentencing is still a ways off, and knowing the slippery nature of Teflon Don, incarceration isn’t mandatory. He could just get slapped with some fines or, if we’re lucky, face up to 4 years per count. But don't hold your breath—unless you want to smell the bullshit. Even if sentenced, he could still be out in a year, farting around like he’s untouchable. Consecutive prison terms? Not likely. Our justice system might not be that just after all.

And let’s not forget, our “favorite” former president has the right to appeal. So, he’ll probably be free to run his mouth and run for president while he drags out the legal process. His orange face could still be plastered on campaign posters come election season.

This trial is just the tip of the iceberg. Trump has three other indictments pending (two federal and one state), to which he’s pleaded not guilty. Who knows, maybe he’ll collect convictions like he collects golf courses. Trump running for president while under multiple indictments is peak 2024. The election might even affect when his other trials go forward—or if they go forward at all. Imagine him winning and pardoning himself. The audacity is mind-boggling!

For now, let’s savor this moment. Picture Trump in a courtroom, squirming as the guilty verdicts roll in. It's a sweet, sweet victory for truth, justice, and everyone who ever wished he’d just shut the fuck up. Check back for updates, because this shitshow is far from over. Stay tuned to for all the juicy details and more of our delightfully crude commentary.

Nothing says justice like watching the world’s biggest blowhard finally get what's coming to him.

source: Donald Trump guilty on all 34 counts in hush money trial