Scientists Uncover the Magic Number of Farts to Reach a Tootsie Pop's Center
Move over, Einstein—there's a new groundbreaking discovery that's blowing everyone away! Hold your noses and brace yourselves: scientists have determined it takes exactly 6,350 farts to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
You heard that right. After years of rigorous research and probably clearing out a few rooms, the flatulence-focused think tank at the Institute of Gas-tronomic Studies has finally answered the question that's been haunting humanity for decades.
"We were tired of the same old 'lick' debate," said Dr. Gustov Windbreaker, lead researcher and self-proclaimed 'Fart-ologist'. "So we decided to approach the Tootsie Pop conundrum from a more... ahem... explosive angle."
The Windy Methodology
The team started by measuring the candy shell's thickness, which is about 6.35 millimeters of sweet, hard goodness protecting that chewy Tootsie Roll core. Converting millimeters to micrometers (because why not make it more complicated?), they found there's 6,350 micrometers to bust through.
Assuming each fart is powerful enough to erode one micrometer of the candy shell—don't ask about the testing process—the math was simple:
- 6,350 micrometers ÷ 1 micrometer per fart = 6,350 farts
Dr. Windbreaker added, "It's simple science, really. We just combined advanced flatulology with confectionery physics."
Public Reaction Stinks—In a Good Way
The discovery has sent shockwaves through both the scientific community and your local gas station's snack aisle.
Local man Joe 'Beans' Thompson exclaimed, "I've been training for this moment my whole life! Pass me a Tootsie Pop and stand back!"
Meanwhile, environmentalists are expressing concerns about the potential increase in greenhouse gases. "If everyone starts farting their way to the center of Tootsie Pops, we might need to rethink our methane emissions models," warned eco-expert Flora Buttontree.
What's Next?
Emboldened by their success, the research team is already planning their next study: determining how many burps it takes to uncork a bottle of wine. Champagne aficionados, beware.
In the meantime, Tootsie Pop sales have inexplicably plummeted, and gas mask stocks are on the rise. Coincidence? We think not.
Final Thoughts
So, the next time someone asks you that timeless question, you can look them dead in the eye and say, "6,350 farts, my friend." Just maybe don't demonstrate your findings in public.
Stay gassy, folks!
o1
